I’ve been working really hard to break the generational cycles of trauma that show up in my life, namely:
1. how I feel most comfortable in emotionally intense situations due to emotional intensity being the norm growing up
2. how I was raised to excuse poor behavior from men. A guy could say or do anything, and you just had to accept it because, ultimately, men will be men 🤷🏻♀️ (I remember being a child and being told not to sit a certain way in my own home because of how men could react to that, and I mean, why the focus on how I sit and not how gross it is that men we know in our own home would have a reaction to a child’s body?)
It’s been difficult to not repeat these cycles in my interpersonal life. I have historically been the type to excuse all kinds of behavior from the men in my life and blame myself, (even if it was detrimental to me) + I have historically found myself more drawn to these “wild card” types of people (in all interpersonal relationships) that are very inconsistent and intense to be around. I also have found myself at times tempted to repeat words to Sofia that I was told as a child, just because it feels intuitive to me.
Luckily, you’re only bound to repeat history if you don’t learn from it, and I’ve been blessed with an abundance of learning opportunities through day to day life, therapy, and supportive friends who see my blind spots. I’ve learned over time to practice the pause when I find myself drawn to an intense person, or excusing certain behavior from the men in my life, by asking myself, “what is really going on here?” —and because of this, I have gotten really good at recognizing bad patterns of behavior and asserting myself if I find myself in these situations—and for that, I am so very grateful 🙏
I am really proud of the work that I’ve done and how intentional I am with how I parent sofia, how I date, and how I interact with people in my day to day life. My hope is that Sofia will grow up feeling really secure and avoid making some of my mistakes. She deserves it, and all the work I do on myself, I do to be the best I can be for her ❤️