There’s a lot of talk about the desensitization of the world in the wake of a mass shooting—and I will say, prior to having a child, I wasn’t necessarily desensitized, but I was more able to compartmentalize tragedy and put it in a box.
I knew that a senseless act of violence could happen to me, but it was easier for me to disconnect from it when it was just me, myself and I to care for.
All of this changed however, when I had given birth to my sweet Sofia. As I type this, I have to admit that I can’t bring myself to say that I could find peace if Sofia passed away due to senseless act of violence—or if I did and couldn’t be there to guide her, watch over her and protect her.
My pastor once said, “the areas where you worry the most are the areas where you trust God the least” and I definitely felt convicted by that statement—it hit me like a ton of bricks—I trust God so fully with so many aspects of my life, but when it comes to my daughters safety and well being, I don’t know that I trust Him at all.
I always find myself worrying that the world will be cruel to Sofia because she doesn’t have a traditional family, that she will be harmed by bullies, that she’ll go through some of the difficult trials that I had to go through, or in moments like this—worried she’ll be a victim to a senseless act of violence.
It makes me shake with fear—never have I ever in my life have I had this deep of a tie to another human being; a deep enough love to know that if push came to shove, I would sacrifice my life to spare hers without giving it a second thought. The type of love that won’t rest unless I know that she’s content, safe, and cared for. The type of love where the mere thought of her being unhappy, harmed, in danger makes me sick with fear and anxiety.
But then it hit me—as much as I love and care for her, as much as I want to protect her and keep her safe, God wants that more—and not only that—He wants it for me, too.
He gives me countless messages in His Word to not be afraid, to trust in Him, that He sees my heart and knows me, that He feels my pain, that He loves me AND my daughter.
Do not be afraid appears in the Bible 365 times—so I am challenging myself this next 365 days to read each passage talking about fear, anxiety and worry in order to grow closer to Him and to lean into Him for support and not my own understanding—because all my own understanding has gotten me is day and night worries and anxiety.
In a world where so much is out of our control, how do you cope with worries about your child’s wellbeing? Let me know in the comments and I will feature several of your comments in the next podcast episode about confronting fear.