You know I live for ⚡️paradigm shifts⚡️and this one’s a good one!
One of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve had in 2020 is realizing that the trust issues that have been wreaking havoc on my life for SO LONG are not with everyone else, but with myself.
I don’t trust myself to not ignore red flags.
I don’t trust myself to advocate for myself and communicate my thoughts and feelings.
I don’t trust myself set and enforce boundaries.
I don’t trust myself to leave when a situation starts to get bad.
I don’t trust myself to not repeat old patterns.
The good news about this is that, while I don’t have control over other people and their actions, I do have control over myself.
I can learn to not ignore red flags.
I can learn to advocate for myself and communicate my thoughts and feelings.
I can learn to set and enforce boundaries.
I can learn to leave when a situation gets bad.
And, most importantly, I can learn to NOT 👏🏼 REPEAT 👏🏼 OLD 👏🏼 PATTERNS 👏🏼
Something that really resonated with me is that when you’re in any kind of bad interpersonal situation—it’s easy to think, “if only this person would come around to my point of view and understand how they’re hurting me and decide to treat me right, everything would be better!!!”
And I mean—this is super valid. You are SO WORTHY of relationships where you’re treated with dignity and respect. Fewer things in life are more maddening than loving someone who doesn’t seem to recognize that. However, focusing on “why won’t they change?” is only going to keep you stuck where you’re at.
The better question is: “Why don’t I change? Why don’t I become the type of person who will walk out the door the second that I’m treated with disrespect? The type of person won’t justify people’s terrible behavior towards me? Who won’t allow people to cross boundaries that I’ve set? What is keeping me in this place?”
Therapy, if done well, is all about owning your side of shit. Not because it’s your fault that someone treated you terribly, but because there will always be people out there who will be willing to treat you terribly if you let them. It’s all about learning to break the cycle and trusting yourself 💗